3rd Person

I used to get the feeling someone was always behind me. Just watching me. You can call it anxiety. I suppose that might have been what it was. Whatever it was it's gone now. All of it is. I don't cry, and yet I don't smile. My music doesn't make me feel anymore. I don't feel like I'm inside my own body anymore... Almost like I'm watching myself in the 3rd person. Wondering what I'll do next... Hm. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Falling deeper out of innocence

 Why does history always have to repeat itself. Why can't we learn. Why can't we do better. Why is it that for ever good person there is 100 bad people. And those bad people end up killing the good people, it seems like good is slowly going extinct. This city is filled with so much hate and fear I can feel it. It just needs a spark and something will ignite. Maybe the people will fight. I want to love this world the way I did when I was a kid but the simple fact is I can't. Not without fighting. Not without killing. Not without falling deeper out of innocence. Sometimes I don't want to fight anymore, sometimes I just want to curl up and accept the world as it is. Curse myself and the blood on my hands. But in times like this, I remember why I do it. and I have to keep going, because without the idea of change, what else am I going to do with my life? I can't have a normal life anymore. If I try to join society in any way. They will find me and kill me immediately. T...
Read more

"What If" AmIRight?

  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a sibling. Like an older brother. One who looks out for you similarly to a father, always wants you to meet the right guy. And make sure you’re not getting taken advantage of by dumb men. Or maybe a younger brother, though I don’t think I'd be too good of an older sister. I do wonder if I would have turned out differently with a sibling. Not sure why but when I think about it. I genuinely only think of my sibling being a boy. Maybe because they’d make me feel safer, they seem mentally strong. I don’t know. I feel like they could probably have handled this better than I did. Maybe thinking about that possibility is far fetched because they would have just died with my parents, who knows. But I really do think that just maybe, if I had a sibling. I wouldn’t have turned out like this. I would have had another set of ears, another mind, another human to form and share opinions and emotions with. I lost everything on that day. Maybe if ...
Read more

Hatsune Miku and Pattrick Watson

  Listening to Hatsune Miku makes me feel alive. I love it! But it’s different from  Pattrick Watson. He makes me feel the effects of reality. It reminds me of the corruption around me, how I feel being a part of that world. And it reminds me of what I'm fighting for. Miku makes me feel alive, but not in the same way. More like I’m living in the world I dreamt of. I always thought that’s what life would be like when I was young. But my parents were just really really good at covering my eyes whenever there was something wrong in the world they didn't want me to see. And they’d smile at me while holding my hand, humming that lullaby I still can’t find the origin of.   The point is I’m aware Hatsune Miku and Pattrick Watson are a funny combination to be my 2 favorite artists. But what can I say! One makes me feel real, and the other makes me feel REAL. Side note. It took me so long to find a font I liked for this, because usually my handwriting is crazy and hard to re...
Read more