Falling deeper out of innocence

 Why does history always have to repeat itself. Why can't we learn. Why can't we do better. Why is it that for ever good person there is 100 bad people. And those bad people end up killing the good people, it seems like good is slowly going extinct. This city is filled with so much hate and fear I can feel it. It just needs a spark and something will ignite. Maybe the people will fight. I want to love this world the way I did when I was a kid but the simple fact is I can't. Not without fighting. Not without killing. Not without falling deeper out of innocence. Sometimes I don't want to fight anymore, sometimes I just want to curl up and accept the world as it is. Curse myself and the blood on my hands. But in times like this, I remember why I do it. and I have to keep going, because without the idea of change, what else am I going to do with my life? I can't have a normal life anymore. If I try to join society in any way. They will find me and kill me immediately. The only thing I can do is sit here in isolation alone. Or chase some meaningless unrealistic dream that I can change anything. 

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