Another Mental Crisis :/

 I wish I was just a proper girl. And a girl so innocent she'd talk to flowers like they had a conscience. A girl who'd hug someone even if they were rude. A girl who's smile and hum of a distant and yet familiar hum could soothe even a criminal. A girl who's kindness would inspire change. Turn a dark heart light.

  And yet. I wonder if that's actually possible. Can kindness really heal others? Or are they so far gone that they would just kill me anyway. Is it even possible for certain people to understand? Clearly that injured Bunny didn't do anything wrong to those kids back then. In fact, any normal person would sympathize with it. And yet they laughed as they kicked it into the road, and cheered as it was ran over. Can people like that really change? Would kindness ever help them? Do they actually deserve to exist? 


  I can't think like this. I can't be rational. That won't work. I should just help others even if, especially if they are that screwed up. I can't lose faith in humanity. That's what will always lead to acts of immorality. I have to stay positive... But part of me is having a really hard time with that. It's so hard to keep my precious eyes. Not that they are real anyway. Just a mask. Something to let myself believe. I want to be precious, I want to be harmless, I have dreams of helping others even those who are hurt, or doing bad things. But instead, I'm just killing them. Part of me thinks it's right and part of me hates it. I believe the part of me that hates it is the child inside me, the one I've been trying to hold on to. And sometimes it makes me happy just hating myself. And what I'm doing. Because at least that's proof enough that she's still in there within me. But I don't know if I can pull her out. I don't know if she's got any control over me. Or if it's just a distant feeling. MMMMMMM I HATE THIS FEELING. I'm going to listen to Hatsune Miku. BRB.

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