Bunny Girl Blog

I used to get the feeling someone was always behind me. Just watching me. You can call it anxiety. I suppose that might have been what it was. Whatever it was it's gone now. All of it is. I don't cry, and yet I don't smile. My music doesn't make me feel anymore. I don't feel like I'm inside my own body anymore... Almost like I'm watching myself in the 3rd person. Wondering what I'll do next... Hm. 

  I don't own a dress :( in this attic I'm staying in I found a box of someone's belongings and saw a dress I really liked but I don't want to just take it. Which is saying a lot coming from me. I stole a PS4 ⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍   But for some reason dresses are too sentimental. This one in particular looked like she had a lot of memories. I couldn't just take a girl's core memories. One day I'll buy a dress. And maybe one day I'll stop killing. And just be a normal girl. 

I like Summer. feels easier to be happy around this time. But I'll be honest, I relate to October a lot more. The October sky is so me😜Always feels like it's about to rain. The clouds aren't perfect and white and fluffy. I'm so good at metaphors, I should write a poem.  also I'm bored of the old font, not sure what logic I was using, choosing a simple one so it would be easier to read for other people. Nobody will ever see this anyway, so what's the dang point of it being readable. 

There was a thunderstorm in this family's house. I heard their son crying. He was probably around 12 years old. And he was really scared of the storm. He would cry louder every time thunder would strike. It made me think back. I'm more afraid of lightning now than I was as a kid. I remember being a kid and when thunder would start I'd go outside with a big smile to try and see the lightning bolts in the sky. The closer the better. The louder the better. When it would rain I'd fully embrace it, the more soaked my clothes and hair got the better. There was something special about it. But now. I hate the rain. And I hate thunder. It's not like I'm afraid of it. But some slight part of me is worried the lightning will hit me. I'm stupid enough to believe Karma will one day get me for all the people I've killed. Although they were horrible people. Maybe I was their Karma... aaaaand that's the side of myself I hate. I don't want to think like that. I w...

 I think I'm going to do something crazy. And I don't really care if it gets me killed. If it does. I guess it means it was never really meant to be. But I have no sign it's working. Doesn't feel like I'm changing anything. I guess that means I should either give up. Or try harder. Go deeper down the rabbit hole ;) oooh. I think I just convinced myself with that aha .🙃

  I wish I was just a proper girl. And a girl so innocent she'd talk to flowers like they had a conscience. A girl who'd hug someone even if they were rude. A girl who's smile and hum of a distant and yet familiar hum could soothe even a criminal. A girl who's kindness would inspire change. Turn a dark heart light.   And yet. I wonder if that's actually possible. Can kindness really heal others? Or are they so far gone that they would just kill me anyway. Is it even possible for certain people to understand? Clearly that injured Bunny didn't do anything wrong to those kids back then. In fact, any normal person would sympathize with it. And yet they laughed as they kicked it into the road, and cheered as it was ran over. Can people like that really change? Would kindness ever help them? Do they actually deserve to exist?    I can't think like this. I can't be rational. That won't work. I should just help others even if, especially if they are that scr...